Are those.. mutant snow worms?

lapland2“There comes a time in every man’s life when he just straight up wastes time on the internet.” -Our generation to our future kids, if we can ever get off Facebook long enough to procreate.

I had an idea for a blog series today which I thought would be fun. I thought I would ask my friends to comment on my facebook status with a random picture, and that I’d pick a picture and use it as a prompt to write a short story. Could be fun, interactive, etc.

Just to see if my creative mind was up to the task, I poked my nose into google and searched for a random image generator. This is a thing, oh man is this a thing. It’s really pretty magic. I was using Mangle, which offers among others, the horrifying service of opening any random web page on the internet. What are the odds of getting porn? Probably 1. 1 in 1. If you don’t get porn on your first click, Christmas Miracle.

However the random web page generator wasn’t working for me, and what I was really after was some random images. This is a strange and alienating journey. Mangle takes the latest 25 images uploaded to Livejournal (really, Livejournal?) and throws them on a page one after another, no context. Apparently the only people who still use Livejournal are Russians, so you have to translate if you want to know whats going on. Which is a blessing, because most of the time it’s just hilarious when you don’t know what is going on. For example, one of the first images that popped up was this:

seagull
Go eat a dick seagull. No, not really!

Whats going on there? Mystery, intrigue… a rat that is censored in the first image but the next 3 images show the seagull eating the rat whole!? (!!)

I have never given more stock to Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds then right now. Yikes.

After that image I stumbled across this mystifying mind fuck. (excuse my french)

lapland1
Alright.. where’s Muad’Dib hiding?

Here were my guesses as to what that/those is/are:

  • new set of Tim Burton’s Nightmare Before Snowpocalypse
  • radioactive Rock Candy off the coast of Fukushima
  • an extreme close-up of Lindsay Lohan’s cocaine crusted nose hairs

Turns out I was wrong though. It’s actually slightly more majestic. What you’re looking at is the frozen forests of Finnish Lapland. It is cold there. And there is a lot of snow. It freezes on the trees in really odd ways. I went and tracked down the photographer- Niccolo Banfadini. He was kind enough to let me use his photos in this post. There are more of these really strange and lovely images on his website. You can buy a print from him, hang it on your wall, and tell people its a snow geyser.

As for the seagull/rat guy, I couldn’t really pin down a definitive source. Try: Russia.

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